number one.

I've seen this on various blogs, including that of a long-distance pal of mine. And I figured since I'm updating everyone on our daily lives, why not go a little deeper? Even though most of the people reading this are family members, there are still a few who don't know us that well. So why not give a little more insight into our lives? Well, more accurately, mine, since I'm the one doing it. Anyway...for the next month or so each entry will contain one of thirty truths about me. I will post the question and then my answer to it. So today I will be starting with number one.

1. Something you hate about yourself.
Well, isn't this a nice way to start this off? Hah. Something I hate about myself...hmmm... There are a quite a few things I don't really like about myself, especially on a bad day.

But something I really really dislike?

I guess it would have to be the fact that I am the world's WORST procrastinator. I mean, it's bad. I can make to-do list after to-do list and Nate can remind me a bajillion times and I can even set alarms to remind myself to do things. But I just don't have the discipline I would like to have.

I think a lot of it stems from my perfectionist tendencies. When I do something, I want it done RIGHT. Wait, I take that back. I want it more than right. I want to do it PERFECTLY. And let me tell you from firsthand experience - when every task needs to be done perfectly, even something as small as unloading the dishwasher can be pretty daunting. Needless to say, I start off doing things with good intentions, but then I get so involved in the minute details and so concerned with meeting standards that I'm pretty sure could only be met by God that I start panicking and telling myself I need a break and once I've had a break I'll finish it later. Then later rolls around and I have such anxiety from the first time I attempted it that I end up putting it off again. And so begins the vicious cycle.

I guess the reason I really dislike this part of myself is because it affects every part of my life. And it really hinders me from accomplishing so many things I want to accomplish. And I'm working on making changes so it's not so much of an issue anymore (I have made progress, believe it or not!). I'm also working on accepting the fact that this is who I am, and I can't completely get rid of this part of myself. And I'm working on seeing the good in the perfectionistic procrastinator side of me. There are times when it's beneficial to focus on the details, and there are times when you need to put something off because there are more important things in life. It's just all about balance. And learning to work with who you are and what God gave you.

And I think I'm getting there.

So what is something that you want to change about yourself? You might not hate it, because hate is a strong word...but we should always be reflecting and working to better ourselves. So...what are you working on? Or what do you want to start working on? It's never too late.